Tuesday, September 28, 2010

a letter...

UP-FREAKIN'-DATE:

FYI - YEAH, I KNOW THAT ALL CAPS MEANS "YELLING &/OR SCREAMING".  AND, YEAH, THAT IS WHAT I WANT RIGHT NOW!  WHEN I WROTE THE LETTER BELOW, DEAR GERMS, I DID NOT DO SO IN A SARCASTIC MANNER.  ALTHOUGH I DO LOVE ME SOME SARCASM MOST DAYS.  I ALSO DID NOT DO IT IN NEITHER A "DOUBLE-DOG-DARE-YOU" NOR A "TRIPLE-DOG-DARE-YOU" WAY (BECAUSE I LEARNED FROM "A CHRISTMAS STORY" JUST HOW THAT ONE CAN TURN OUT, OKAY?!).  AND SO, GERMS, PLEASE DO NOT BE OFFENDED WHEN I CHOOSE TO NOT THANK YOU FOR THE PLUGGED UP NOSE AND SINUSES, THE SORE THROAT AND THE GENERAL MALAISE I CURRENTLY AM LIVING WITH.  AND THE KIDS, YOU DARE TO ASK?  YEAH, WHEN THIS MOMMA FEELS BETTER I'M A GONNA WHOMP UP ON YOU FOR GIVING THE KINDERGARTNER THE SAME NOSE PROBLEMS AND THROAT ISSUE.  NOT FAIR WHEN SHE DID NOT EVEN HAVE THING TO DO WITH ANY OF THIS LETTER STUFF.  OH?  THAT 4-YR-OLD?  YEAH, SHE IS CURRENTLY "OK" BUT I HIGHLY SUSPECT THAT WITH HER BEING SO STINKING CUTE AND ALL OF MY SMOOCHIES AND SNUGGLES WILL FORCE SOME OF YOU GERMS ON HER....SERIOUSLY.  SERIOUSLY, GERMS?  YOU SUCK!

-SICK & TIRED MOMMA-LLAMA-DING-DONG

************************

dear germs (please forward to all your friends & relatives a.s.a.p.):

after spending 5 days with urpy tummies, both nea & i...i would like to not have any more no good, rotten, horrid germs near me or my offspring.  now, i totally understand that you germs think that you have carte blache when it comes to "territories" but i am telling you right now: 
do.
not.
come.
near.
us. 

this is for you and all your germie families and friends, too. 
the ones who cause gastroenteritis (that's having the pukes &/or cha-cha's). 

those who make our throats raw, itchy and sore (this includes, but is not limited to:  streptococcal pharyngitis and other streptococcus species that are responsible for many cases of meningitis, bacterial pneumonia, endocarditis, erysipelas and necrotizing fasciitis - the 'flesh-eating' bacterial infections). 

those that cause all our boogers to melt and flood out our nostrils and down our faces. 

the ones that cause a cough that sounds like a portion (if not all!) of our lungs is going to fly out of our mouths. 

the ones that cause our heads and bodies to ache to varying degrees. 

and a special note to the influenza germs:  please, please, please stay far, far, far away!  3 outta 4 of us are getting out flu shots this week and we would each appreciate it if you'd kindly not get on anything we might come in contact with, okay? 

thank you, in advance, for cooperation with what i am calling "operation-no-more-ickies-or-sickies"!

-this momma

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